Feeling Misunderstood with ADHD

I work with some truly amazing women. My business partner, who is also one of my best friends, is a perfect example. We've been working together for about ten years, and our dynamic is super important: I'm the big-picture dreamer, and she's the detail person. She's the one who gently pulls me back to reality when I get hyper-focused on a cool new idea that I absolutely do not need to add to my to-do list.

This dynamic is great, but it can also lead to misunderstandings.

I get a huge rush of dopamine from dreaming, imagining, envisioning, and romanticizing—it feels so good! I often don't even plan to follow through, but I love to talk about the vision. I get so excited and will go into way more detail than a passing fantasy probably deserves.

My friend sometimes gets uncomfortable because she starts thinking about what this "dream" could mean for our business and relationship. She'll ask reasonable questions and express real concerns. When that happens, I instantly feel shot down, doubted, and questioned. Hello, rejection sensitive dysphoria!

This pattern has happened countless times over the years. It's tricky because sometimes I'm truly just basking in the joy of the dream, but other times I'm actually serious about making a change (like diving into ADHD coaching). And honestly, I have a hard time explaining the difference.

Does this sound familiar?

• Have you had wild, fun, imaginative fantasies that the rational part of your brain knows won't work, but man, does it feel good to soak it in?

• Do the people around you sometimes think you are asking them to problem-solve or take action, when all you really want is for them to share in the excitement so you can get more dopamine?

  
  

Being misunderstood is a core part of the ADHD experience. Our brains and nervous systems process things differently, and communicating those differences is hard. This is one of so many examples of ways I’m misunderstood on a day to day basis.

My business partner is incredibly supportive. She’s learned to tell me when she’s having a hard time figuring out what I need in that moment. But I still often feel bad. It must be hard to be my friend sometimes! Those misunderstandings feel like rejection to me, but in reality, she’s just making a bid for clarity.

That's why I'm creating this upcoming vision board event! I want to help other ADHDers:

1. Build community with other women who truly get it.

2. Create a space where the dreamers can dream.

3. Slow down and better understand how we are misunderstood so we can communicate with those around us

   
   

Maybe you do need help clarifying your goals, but first, you need to lean into the joy of dreaming about it. Let’s build the dopamine before we get down to business about priorities and how to make aspects of this dream real! We can set a different tone for 2026 that is accepting and supportive while also doing the hard work that comes after the dreaming!

By Rhonda Estling, LMFT

Therapist & ADHD Coach